Battling Satan’s Lies

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This morning, as I sat there, enjoying some relaxing tea, and the dawn breaks around me, I couldn’t help but praise God for all He’s been doing in my life lately. This year has already proven to be a year of colossal change, and it’s only July. When I chose “all things” to be the phrase that would define 2021 and guide my goals throughout this year, I could feel that the Lord was preparing to move in my life in big ways. However, even with that inkling, I never imagined just how big. My wildest thoughts and dreams were tiny compared to where I feel the Holy Spirit is leading me now.

Back in 2020, I was prepared to do everything possible to heal from past trauma and to grow, so I could finally blossom into the person my Heavenly Father always meant me to be. I was well aware that I had boxed myself in in an attempt to protect myself from any more harm. In a way, this method had kept me safe. But I suddenly realized that I was so cornered and cramped that I wasn’t truly living. Yes, I was surviving and existing. Yet, my well-built fortress had shrunk to such an alarming degree that it had become my prison. My jail cell was so teeny tiny that I found myself having panic attacks because I actually felt closed in and trapped.

As I continued to grow, my miniscule box shrank even more at an alarming rate to the point I was literally suffering from claustrophobic attacks. I increasingly felt like there wasn’t even room for me to breathe! I eventually felt like I either had to break out of this prison of my own making or I would surely perish under that mounting pressure of my imprisonment.

One night, last summer, it finally came to a head. It was the middle of the night. I had awoken from my sleep with a terrible start. I was literally gasping for air. The weight of my growth and the squeezing confinement of my prison of “safety” were too much to bear any longer.

I found myself rushing outside, trying to find somewhere with more space. Then, perhaps, I could finally catch my breath and calm down. But even under the vast expanse of the night sky, I still felt constricted to the point I’d surely die!

There I was desperately looking up, praying my heart out to God. It felt like my very soul was raw and bleeding. I was begging the Lord to please break me free before it all crushed me. I’m not sure how long I actually walked and prayed. In many ways, it felt like a thousand nights had passed. In the middle of it all, though, I remember sinking to my knees in desperation and exhaustion, barely having enough strength to whisper one last time for Him to set me free.

That’s when I heard the Holy Spirit louder than I’ve ever heard. I can’t remember the exact words, but it went something like this:

“My child, you are already free. Christ set you free as soon as you chose to accept His gift of salvation so many years ago. Your chains are long gone. The door has been open this whole time. In fact, Jesus blew that door right off of the hinges. It doesn’t even exist anymore.

Satan has lied to you and tricked you into staying in a prison that can no longer contain you on its own. He knows he can’t steal you from Me, so he’s doing everything possible to steal a blessed and prosperous future from you — the future I so carefully and lovingly planned for you.

Arise! Walk out of that open door and never look back. Come to me and seek me in all things. I will lead you towards the things you desire the most and then so much more. Trust completely in Me, and all will be well.”

This was undoubtedly a huge turning point in my life. Not only could I finally breathe again, but I was free at last! In many ways, it felt like an actual metamorphosis. I walked through that open door and eagerly pursued the Lord with all that I am. I wanted to avoid ever going back to that awful prison I had unwittingly locked myself into, so I was determined to put as much distance between me and Satan’s old lies as possible.

The problem though is the devil is the father of lies. Just because the Holy Spirit helps us smash through one or even a bunch of Satan’s lies, it doesn’t mean our battle with him is over. The devil is sneaky and crafty and loves to bounce when we least expect it with another tricky snare of lies.

Satan knew that I was running hard toward my Heavenly Father, bent on following God’s path in my life at all costs. He knew that the old lies weren’t going to stop me anymore either. So, he threw a new curveball that sent me crashing down onto my face. He couldn’t convince me any longer that I wasn’t fully worthy of God’s love and that the Lord, therefore, didn’t want to use me for His glory. So, the devil is now trying to convince me that my Heavenly Father is expecting way too much from me. He’s planting seeds of doubt that God’s plans are so huge that little ol’ me, with my dark past and my many scars, will surely fail. He’s been trying to pound it into my head that I am too imperfect, too weak, and too shameful to rise to where the Holy Spirit is leading me, let alone for me to stay there and not fail miserably for all to see.

Sadly, Satan’s curveball did work for a couple days this week. I found myself cowering in the proverbial corner again, licking my wounds and having a pity party for one. Who am I to think God could use me to help others? Who am I to actually grow excited about becoming a part of or even starting a ministry to reach those, who like me of the past, feel too far gone or too dirty or too unworthy of Christ’s love? What a fool and a giant failure I am, and I should be ashamed of myself!

In the midst of my self loathing, though, God reminded me yesterday that He doesn’t call the equipped. Rather, He equips the called. I don’t have to be a brave, mighty, capable warrior to win the battles ahead of me. I don’t need to be a wise, perfect, disciplined follower of Christ to reach those who are hurting or lost. I don’t even have to have all the answers or understand how it will all work. I just have to trust and obey. The rest is in the Lord’s hands.

If the Holy Spirit is leading me to something, He will surely give me everything I need to succeed. Satan and maybe even some of the people around me may call me by my trauma, my failures, my shortcomings, and even my shameful sins, but my Heavenly Father calls me by name and by His grace and mercy. The Lord sees me for who I am in Him, and He knows my heart longs to please Him and to help others. That is all that truly matters.

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak

Emmanuel: God With Us

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Have you ever sat down and reflected on who God is? I mean, really considered who the Lord is and all He has done for us and the world around us? I personally fall extremely short of doing enough of this sort of deep reflection. The more I draw closer to Christ and center my life around Him, the more I realize I have barely scratched the surface of the awesomeness of God.

Intellectually, I have understood most of my life that the Lord is amazing. In the Bible, God is called many things, and I could easily rattle off a whole list of those names and attributes. But to truly understand even one of the names of God? I mean, seriously and thoroughly understand a single one? I could spend an entire lifetime studying and trying to comprehend and still miserably fail.

Don’t get me wrong. I get choked up every time I try to talk about what the Lord has done in my life. Honestly, I stink at offering public praise because I can’t even speak when I start to consider all the ways my Heavenly Father has blessed my life. God is my everything and has often been my only friend and source of strength during life’s darkest times. I wouldn’t have survived this long without clinging desperately to Jesus or being strengthened daily by the Holy Spirit.

But truly understand and appreciate who God is and how He loves me and has cared for me? My finite brain could never handle it all. Ultimately, my brain is pretty regularly blown as I seek the Lord and strive to know Him more.

I do have to admit, though, that one of my ultimate favorite names of God is Emmanuel: God with us. How awesome is that? Take a second and really consider what this name means. We often have this image of God where He is far above us, ruling from a distant throne. In all actuality, though, He is right here with His people every second of every day. Loving them. Guiding them. Protecting them. Providing for them. Working diligently behind the scenes for their betterment.

God might be the Most High and ruler over the entire universe, but He isn’t a distant Father. He’s never too busy. Our concerns are never too insignificant. In fact, He is always actively involved in every single aspect of our lives. He goes through our every triumph, every trial, and everything in between–right beside us! Our Lord promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us. How insanely comforting is that?

I remember the first time I started to understand this aspect of God. It completely changed how I saw my life and my everyday struggles. Looking back, I can now see clearly that even during my darkest hours, I was never truly alone. Even when my friends and family had abandoned me, my Heavenly Father never did. When I cried, He cried. When I was in pain, He held me close and understood exactly what I was enduring. When my heart was breaking, His heart was, as well. When my world felt like it was collapsing in on me, He was right there, holding me together and whispering words of encouragement to my disheartened spirit.

Knowing how close the Lord stayed close to me over all of these years is a huge comfort. Today’s and tomorrow’s trials and tribulations no longer seem impossible or horrifying. My God was with me before, so He will assuredly remain with me, no matter what the present or future holds. There is no need to fear or worry or doubt. Emmanuel will walk the rest of life’s journey with me…no matter what is waiting for me around the next bend.

• When have you felt the most alone?
• Looking back, can you now see God’s hand in any of those difficult situations?
• How does knowing that the Lord is “God with us” change your perspective in life?

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak

What Truly Defines Us?

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Over the last two or three years, I have experienced a myriad of changes and extensive growth across virtually every area of my life. Still, my transformation is far from over. God is hard at work behind the scenes, molding me and tempering me into the person He created me to be. In many ways, my life and even my personal identity currently feel quite murky and shrouded in mystery. To be honest, I’m struggling to define who I am and who I yearn to be.

However, this raw and sometimes terrifying process has left me sure of a few things, so far. One of which is that the Lord made me a writer and therefore, to be wholly myself, I must make time to write on a regular basis. If I am not pouring my heart, mind, and soul onto a page somewhere, I’m left feeling like a mere shadow of myself: hollow and barely even two dimensional.

One of novelist Franz Kafka’s best quotes (at least in my opinion) is “A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” I know this is 100% accurate from experience. The longer I don’t write, the more uneasy and tense I become. I grow increasingly short tempered, negative, and discontent with myself and the world around me. I can certainly pinpoint times when I wholeheartedly felt that writing has kept me sane.

A journal entry to process a bad day. A poem to get through heartbreak. A letter to mend a broken relationship. A written prayer to praise God in the darkest of valleys. A carefully thought out essay to reach hearts or change minds. An emotional blog post to remind others they aren’t alone. Even a quick note of gratitude or of encouragement to a friend. Every single word I write flows from who I am and reaches out to those around me.

If the words stop, so do I. My thoughts, emotions, dreams, and imagination gradually slow down until they come to a screeching halt. And then I’m left barely able to function. If it goes unresolved for too long, I can barely breathe.

I once believed we are defined by our jobs. What we are paid to do. What society recognizes as our worth, which often is defined by the clout or dollar signs they might offer. The older I become, though, the more I know the importance of defining ourselves, not by the world, but by our God-given worth. Who we are in the Lord. How we give our lives over to Him. The moments we spend trying to love and help others. Who our Heavenly Father designed us to be. And how eagerly we seek God and His plan for our lives.

What it comes down to is this: I’m a writer because that is how God planned it out. I am a writer, regardless of how the world might define me. It doesn’t matter how much I’m paid, how many readers I reach, or how much respect I earn in my field. I am a writer because writing makes me happy, brings me purpose, and gives the Lord glory.

Writing is part of my very essence, so to ignore it or neglect it is insanity. I wouldn’t try to stop eating or breathing, so why would I try to stop writing? It’s time to prioritize this essential part of who I am—and always will be—from now until the day I leave this earth.

It’s time to daily revel in this amazing purpose which God has blessed me with. Life is so incredibly short. I don’t want to waste a single opportunity or minute simply because I’m allowing the world to tell me who and what I am.

I am a writer, and I’m here to write! The rest is in the Lord’s hands.

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak

Be Still and Know

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Psalm 46 has always been one of my ultimate favorite passages in the Bible. It is overflowing with many amazing promises and reassurances to help us through life’s darkest days. In fact, one of my go-to verses for when I’m feeling particularly anxious, overwhelmed, or afraid is Psalm 46:10, which exhorts: “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I currently have an image of the first half of this verse as my lock screen for my phone. I pick up my phone and look at the screen countless times a day. It feels so soothing and empowering to be reminded many times daily to “be still and know that I am God”! In this crazy, fast-paced world, I’ve struggled to find moments each day to even slow down, let alone be still. Consequently, it doesn’t hurt to have a frequent reminder to just stop, breathe, and focus on God and His promises every now and then throughout my day.

Something dawned on me this morning that never stood out about this verse before: the word ‘know’ right there hiding in the middle of the beginning of Psalm 46:10. Over the years, I’ve thought long and hard about the “be still” part, as well as the whole idea that God is God (and as such, what that means to believers based off of the Lord’s many amazing attributes). Somehow, though, I have always simply read quickly over the word ‘know’ and never thought much about it.

Today, though, it struck me as quite significant after all. I find it interesting that the Lord chose the word ‘know’ here: we are to know God is God. We aren’t to believe that God is God. We aren’t supposed to conjure up enough faith that God is God. He doesn’t ask us to speculate or even reason that God is God. It says “Be still and know that I am God.”

When we know something, there is no doubt. There is no confusion. There is no worry of misunderstanding or false conjecture. There is just fact and a firm resting in that fact. When we know something, we possess a solid and unwavering assurance in what we know.

Life and this world can be immensely chaotic and confusing. It’s incredibly easy to become disoriented, overwhelmed, or blindsided by everyday life> It becomes a thousand times more challenging with the most difficult trials we sometimes must face. Frankly, life often doesn’t make any sense. And as such, we too often are left adrift wondering why.

It’s in those moments that we need a solid anchor to hold us steadfast in the middle of the raging tempest. We require an unmoving object to reorient ourselves, or we run the risk of sailing away from the safety of shore and farther into the potentially deadly storm. God is our solid anchor and unmoving source of hope. That is, He is if we learn to stop in the middle of the deafening roar of this world’s troubles and take unwavering refuge in God and who He is.

The world might never make much sense. It might even feel like the very world itself is falling in on us. But we have a solid foundation upon which to rest. We have the rock-solid reassurance that God is God. We can take refuge in the knowledge that the Lord is in control. He has a plan. Absolutely nothing surprises Him. And even if our world does fall apart, God possesses the mighty power to put it all back together again or better yet, to create something far more beautiful or glorious from the rubble. How amazing that such a tiny word like ‘know’ can hold such power and comfort in our lives! God’s Word is truly awesome and never fails to offer new nuggets of truth amongst even the most familiar of passages.

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak

New Year Reflection

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I was sitting here tonight, contemplating an empty page. Not only an empty blog post but an empty canvas as I face a brand new year. At the beginning of 2020, I was filled with such hope and enthusiasm. I felt like 2020 was bound to be a fresh, vastly different chapter in my life and nothing could stand in my way! I was going to be bold and face the many obstacles standing between me and where I felt the Lord leading. I entered 2020 with a ferocity and faith I haven’t known in years. Little did I know, the new year would prove much more trying than I originally thought.

Truthfully, I could sit here all night and rehash the countless sorrows, hardships, trials, and disheartening events of 2020. I could spend the entire new year lamenting the difficulties of living in the middle of a pandemic (which continues to feel like it will never end). However, it is a new year. It’s time to reset my mind and my focus. It is time to once again look to the new year with renewed hope and determination. Regardless of what lies ahead, I yearn to make the most of 2021.

Every New Year’s Eve, I choose a word or short phrase that sums up the direction God is leading me towards in the new year. Last year’s phrase was “be bold” . . . something I have struggled with far too much in recent years. Anxiety, fear, and doubt have been my worst enemies lately, and I could hear the Holy Spirit repeatedly urging me to step out, let go, and break out of my comfort zone in many areas of my life. In the end, this proved extra difficult to do with the coronavirus wreaking havoc all around me. Still, I embraced this theme and accomplished multiple goals in 2020, which I originally feared would never, ever happen in my lifetime.

Now that 2020 has ended, I will continue to take this newly discovered boldness with me and build upon it. I’m eager to see what the Lord has in store for me as 2021 dawns, all shiny and new, sparkling with endless possibility! After much prayer and reflection, I have decided the theme for my life in 2021 will be “all things.” At first, “all things” seems like a strange phrase to describe a year. It is kind of vague and isn’t exactly exciting. It doesn’t conjure any spectacular mental pictures or wouldn’t inspire any awesome motivational posters. In fact, at first glance, “all things” seems pretty dull and downright confusing.

Nevertheless, “all things” is the perfect phrase for cultivating the proper attitude and perspective in 2021. And I will explain to you exactly why:

(1) All things are (and should always be placed) in God’s hands. Frankly, I worry too much. I drive myself crazy trying to always have all the answers and to handle all the chaos in life. I fight battles that, if I were honest with myself, aren’t even mine to fight. And those I should fight, I often foolishly attempt to wage on my own.

The phrase “all things” will remind me in 2021 that I’m not in this alone. God’s got this. All of this. In all actuality, He already has it all figured out and planned for. All of this stress and nonsense is unnecessary. I have an all-knowing, all-powerful, always-present, ever-loving Father right here beside me in all things. He goes before me. He has my back. He knows and plans for all of my needs. Nothing ever takes Him by surprise. I can take comfort in this as I lay all things in His very capable hands.

(2) God can use all things–good AND bad–for His glory and our betterment. Romans 8:28 (KJV) promises “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” During a year like 2020, I was tempted many times to just give up and wallow in all the negativity around me, as well as the discouragement and self pity welling up inside of me. It became easier and easier to fall for the lie that the Lord had abandoned me in the middle of my darkest hour simply because I was surrounded by difficulties in every direction.

Thankfully, though, each time I found myself wrestling with these doubts, the Holy Spirit would remind me of past difficulties in my life and how days, weeks, and even years later, I finally could see that God worked through the heartache, pain, and even trauma, and used all of it for a greater purpose. We may never completely understand nor see the big picture. But we can trust that our Heavenly Father is good and loving and, as such, will use all things for good.

(3) We should be thankful in all things. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (KJV) reminds us that : “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I don’t know about you, but I’m not always the best at this. During the good and plentiful times, I’m always quick to thank the Lord and count my blessings. But when times get tough–I mean, really tough? Well, my first instinct is “let’s throw Amanda the biggest pity party in the history of mankind.” I mean, the why-me’s and the what-else-could-go-wrong’s come spewing out of me like you wouldn’t believe.

I’m not too proud of this side of myself. Of course, life’s been hard for me frequently over the years. As such, I have plenty to justify this attitude. But I also have just as much–actually much, much more–to be grateful for. It’s time to start pruning all of this negativity out of my life. I must start seeing all things at all times, not just the negative ones, so I can remember that I always, always, always have something to thank God for.

(4) But most importantly, we can do all things in God. As part of building my boldness in 2020, I decided to try to eat, sleep, and breathe Philippians 4:13 (KJV): “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” After years of struggling with fear, doubt, anxiety, and self image issues, I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like there was a major disconnect between who I was and who the Lord meant me to be simply because I never felt like I was enough. I felt stuck on the outside, looking in at my own life, cut off from the full and effective existence that my Father has longed to give me for years. And I’ll readily admit that it was a cold, lonely, heart-breaking place to be.

It’s continuing to be a long battle of trying to reprogram my brain to find my worth, not in the approval of others or what I can accomplish in and of my own power, but in God and in who I am as His child. I’m a flawed human being stuck in a pretty flawed body and from a seriously flawed past. I’ll never come close to hitting the mark, let alone the unrealistic expectations that others (and even myself) have set for me. My fear, anxiety, and doubt have been partially right all along. I can’t do all things. Not on my own anyway. But I have the ultimate secret weapon: Christ! Jesus gives me everything I need to do all things. If I’m meant to do it, it’s going to happen. God’s got me. No failure, hurdle, kink in the plan, or delay is going to stop me if it’s the Lord’s plan. In Christ, I am unstoppable: I can do all things!

I hope that as 2021 unfolds before me, I will keep the phrase “all things” in the forefront of my mind. May the Lord use this theme to transform my life and to continue to heal me. I long to be close to God and to cultivate a life that is wholly centered around Him. I have no idea what 2021 may bring, but I choose to have faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. He will get me through ALL THINGS.

• How has 2020 changed you?
• What positive things are you taking with you into the new year?
• What are some of the goals you hope to achieve in 2021?

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak