Over the last two or three years, I have experienced a myriad of changes and extensive growth across virtually every area of my life. Still, my transformation is far from over. God is hard at work behind the scenes, molding me and tempering me into the person He created me to be. In many ways, my life and even my personal identity currently feel quite murky and shrouded in mystery. To be honest, I’m struggling to define who I am and who I yearn to be.
However, this raw and sometimes terrifying process has left me sure of a few things, so far. One of which is that the Lord made me a writer and therefore, to be wholly myself, I must make time to write on a regular basis. If I am not pouring my heart, mind, and soul onto a page somewhere, I’m left feeling like a mere shadow of myself: hollow and barely even two dimensional.
One of novelist Franz Kafka’s best quotes (at least in my opinion) is “A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” I know this is 100% accurate from experience. The longer I don’t write, the more uneasy and tense I become. I grow increasingly short tempered, negative, and discontent with myself and the world around me. I can certainly pinpoint times when I wholeheartedly felt that writing has kept me sane.
A journal entry to process a bad day. A poem to get through heartbreak. A letter to mend a broken relationship. A written prayer to praise God in the darkest of valleys. A carefully thought out essay to reach hearts or change minds. An emotional blog post to remind others they aren’t alone. Even a quick note of gratitude or of encouragement to a friend. Every single word I write flows from who I am and reaches out to those around me.
If the words stop, so do I. My thoughts, emotions, dreams, and imagination gradually slow down until they come to a screeching halt. And then I’m left barely able to function. If it goes unresolved for too long, I can barely breathe.
I once believed we are defined by our jobs. What we are paid to do. What society recognizes as our worth, which often is defined by the clout or dollar signs they might offer. The older I become, though, the more I know the importance of defining ourselves, not by the world, but by our God-given worth. Who we are in the Lord. How we give our lives over to Him. The moments we spend trying to love and help others. Who our Heavenly Father designed us to be. And how eagerly we seek God and His plan for our lives.
What it comes down to is this: I’m a writer because that is how God planned it out. I am a writer, regardless of how the world might define me. It doesn’t matter how much I’m paid, how many readers I reach, or how much respect I earn in my field. I am a writer because writing makes me happy, brings me purpose, and gives the Lord glory.
Writing is part of my very essence, so to ignore it or neglect it is insanity. I wouldn’t try to stop eating or breathing, so why would I try to stop writing? It’s time to prioritize this essential part of who I am—and always will be—from now until the day I leave this earth.
It’s time to daily revel in this amazing purpose which God has blessed me with. Life is so incredibly short. I don’t want to waste a single opportunity or minute simply because I’m allowing the world to tell me who and what I am.
I am a writer, and I’m here to write! The rest is in the Lord’s hands.
© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak
Amanda R. Dollak 