Battling Satan’s Lies

Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

This morning, as I sat there, enjoying some relaxing tea, and the dawn breaks around me, I couldn’t help but praise God for all He’s been doing in my life lately. This year has already proven to be a year of colossal change, and it’s only July. When I chose “all things” to be the phrase that would define 2021 and guide my goals throughout this year, I could feel that the Lord was preparing to move in my life in big ways. However, even with that inkling, I never imagined just how big. My wildest thoughts and dreams were tiny compared to where I feel the Holy Spirit is leading me now.

Back in 2020, I was prepared to do everything possible to heal from past trauma and to grow, so I could finally blossom into the person my Heavenly Father always meant me to be. I was well aware that I had boxed myself in in an attempt to protect myself from any more harm. In a way, this method had kept me safe. But I suddenly realized that I was so cornered and cramped that I wasn’t truly living. Yes, I was surviving and existing. Yet, my well-built fortress had shrunk to such an alarming degree that it had become my prison. My jail cell was so teeny tiny that I found myself having panic attacks because I actually felt closed in and trapped.

As I continued to grow, my miniscule box shrank even more at an alarming rate to the point I was literally suffering from claustrophobic attacks. I increasingly felt like there wasn’t even room for me to breathe! I eventually felt like I either had to break out of this prison of my own making or I would surely perish under that mounting pressure of my imprisonment.

One night, last summer, it finally came to a head. It was the middle of the night. I had awoken from my sleep with a terrible start. I was literally gasping for air. The weight of my growth and the squeezing confinement of my prison of “safety” were too much to bear any longer.

I found myself rushing outside, trying to find somewhere with more space. Then, perhaps, I could finally catch my breath and calm down. But even under the vast expanse of the night sky, I still felt constricted to the point I’d surely die!

There I was desperately looking up, praying my heart out to God. It felt like my very soul was raw and bleeding. I was begging the Lord to please break me free before it all crushed me. I’m not sure how long I actually walked and prayed. In many ways, it felt like a thousand nights had passed. In the middle of it all, though, I remember sinking to my knees in desperation and exhaustion, barely having enough strength to whisper one last time for Him to set me free.

That’s when I heard the Holy Spirit louder than I’ve ever heard. I can’t remember the exact words, but it went something like this:

“My child, you are already free. Christ set you free as soon as you chose to accept His gift of salvation so many years ago. Your chains are long gone. The door has been open this whole time. In fact, Jesus blew that door right off of the hinges. It doesn’t even exist anymore.

Satan has lied to you and tricked you into staying in a prison that can no longer contain you on its own. He knows he can’t steal you from Me, so he’s doing everything possible to steal a blessed and prosperous future from you — the future I so carefully and lovingly planned for you.

Arise! Walk out of that open door and never look back. Come to me and seek me in all things. I will lead you towards the things you desire the most and then so much more. Trust completely in Me, and all will be well.”

This was undoubtedly a huge turning point in my life. Not only could I finally breathe again, but I was free at last! In many ways, it felt like an actual metamorphosis. I walked through that open door and eagerly pursued the Lord with all that I am. I wanted to avoid ever going back to that awful prison I had unwittingly locked myself into, so I was determined to put as much distance between me and Satan’s old lies as possible.

The problem though is the devil is the father of lies. Just because the Holy Spirit helps us smash through one or even a bunch of Satan’s lies, it doesn’t mean our battle with him is over. The devil is sneaky and crafty and loves to bounce when we least expect it with another tricky snare of lies.

Satan knew that I was running hard toward my Heavenly Father, bent on following God’s path in my life at all costs. He knew that the old lies weren’t going to stop me anymore either. So, he threw a new curveball that sent me crashing down onto my face. He couldn’t convince me any longer that I wasn’t fully worthy of God’s love and that the Lord, therefore, didn’t want to use me for His glory. So, the devil is now trying to convince me that my Heavenly Father is expecting way too much from me. He’s planting seeds of doubt that God’s plans are so huge that little ol’ me, with my dark past and my many scars, will surely fail. He’s been trying to pound it into my head that I am too imperfect, too weak, and too shameful to rise to where the Holy Spirit is leading me, let alone for me to stay there and not fail miserably for all to see.

Sadly, Satan’s curveball did work for a couple days this week. I found myself cowering in the proverbial corner again, licking my wounds and having a pity party for one. Who am I to think God could use me to help others? Who am I to actually grow excited about becoming a part of or even starting a ministry to reach those, who like me of the past, feel too far gone or too dirty or too unworthy of Christ’s love? What a fool and a giant failure I am, and I should be ashamed of myself!

In the midst of my self loathing, though, God reminded me yesterday that He doesn’t call the equipped. Rather, He equips the called. I don’t have to be a brave, mighty, capable warrior to win the battles ahead of me. I don’t need to be a wise, perfect, disciplined follower of Christ to reach those who are hurting or lost. I don’t even have to have all the answers or understand how it will all work. I just have to trust and obey. The rest is in the Lord’s hands.

If the Holy Spirit is leading me to something, He will surely give me everything I need to succeed. Satan and maybe even some of the people around me may call me by my trauma, my failures, my shortcomings, and even my shameful sins, but my Heavenly Father calls me by name and by His grace and mercy. The Lord sees me for who I am in Him, and He knows my heart longs to please Him and to help others. That is all that truly matters.

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak

Emmanuel: God With Us

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Have you ever sat down and reflected on who God is? I mean, really considered who the Lord is and all He has done for us and the world around us? I personally fall extremely short of doing enough of this sort of deep reflection. The more I draw closer to Christ and center my life around Him, the more I realize I have barely scratched the surface of the awesomeness of God.

Intellectually, I have understood most of my life that the Lord is amazing. In the Bible, God is called many things, and I could easily rattle off a whole list of those names and attributes. But to truly understand even one of the names of God? I mean, seriously and thoroughly understand a single one? I could spend an entire lifetime studying and trying to comprehend and still miserably fail.

Don’t get me wrong. I get choked up every time I try to talk about what the Lord has done in my life. Honestly, I stink at offering public praise because I can’t even speak when I start to consider all the ways my Heavenly Father has blessed my life. God is my everything and has often been my only friend and source of strength during life’s darkest times. I wouldn’t have survived this long without clinging desperately to Jesus or being strengthened daily by the Holy Spirit.

But truly understand and appreciate who God is and how He loves me and has cared for me? My finite brain could never handle it all. Ultimately, my brain is pretty regularly blown as I seek the Lord and strive to know Him more.

I do have to admit, though, that one of my ultimate favorite names of God is Emmanuel: God with us. How awesome is that? Take a second and really consider what this name means. We often have this image of God where He is far above us, ruling from a distant throne. In all actuality, though, He is right here with His people every second of every day. Loving them. Guiding them. Protecting them. Providing for them. Working diligently behind the scenes for their betterment.

God might be the Most High and ruler over the entire universe, but He isn’t a distant Father. He’s never too busy. Our concerns are never too insignificant. In fact, He is always actively involved in every single aspect of our lives. He goes through our every triumph, every trial, and everything in between–right beside us! Our Lord promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us. How insanely comforting is that?

I remember the first time I started to understand this aspect of God. It completely changed how I saw my life and my everyday struggles. Looking back, I can now see clearly that even during my darkest hours, I was never truly alone. Even when my friends and family had abandoned me, my Heavenly Father never did. When I cried, He cried. When I was in pain, He held me close and understood exactly what I was enduring. When my heart was breaking, His heart was, as well. When my world felt like it was collapsing in on me, He was right there, holding me together and whispering words of encouragement to my disheartened spirit.

Knowing how close the Lord stayed close to me over all of these years is a huge comfort. Today’s and tomorrow’s trials and tribulations no longer seem impossible or horrifying. My God was with me before, so He will assuredly remain with me, no matter what the present or future holds. There is no need to fear or worry or doubt. Emmanuel will walk the rest of life’s journey with me…no matter what is waiting for me around the next bend.

• When have you felt the most alone?
• Looking back, can you now see God’s hand in any of those difficult situations?
• How does knowing that the Lord is “God with us” change your perspective in life?

© 2021 Amanda R. Dollak

Psalms: When My Own Words Fail

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Out of all the books of the Bible, Psalms is definitely my favorite. It contains many of the passages that I hold closest in my heart. I see myself so readily within these pages. No matter what life might be throwing my way, there always seems to be at least one psalm which expresses exactly how I feel and gives me precisely the reminders I need to get me through the situation. There have been many times when I felt that I myself could have written some of the psalms, simply because my soul has struggled in almost identical ways as the psalmists.

On countless occasions, I have felt so overwhelmed and in pain that my own words failed me. I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t think. At least not effectively. Many times, I’ve struggled to put even two coherent words together to express all the emotions welling up inside of me. Times like these, I fall back on Psalms to fill in where I fall short. I read favorite psalms until the words finally flow again. I pray them aloud, using them to cry out to God while my own still prayers make little sense. I even write snippets of psalms out on paper, allowing my own thoughts and feelings to mingle with them on the page.

As a writer, it is extremely disconcerting to be at a loss for words, especially during times when it matters the most. Words and expressing myself are one of my greatest strengths. So, to have my strength fail me in my hour of need only makes a distressing situation a million times worse. Consequently, it is an immense comfort to have the deep struggles and raw emotions expressed in Psalms at my disposal. They might not be my own personal words, but they might as well be. They offer me an outlet to express my heart and soul during my darkest days without feeling phony. The trials and suffering that the psalmists struggled through are palpable. Even thousands of years later, it is all still extremely relevant and relatable.

The book of Psalms reminds me that even the biblical greats were mere humans. They struggled with doubt and fear. They wrestled against anger and bitterness. They questioned God and asked “why” in an attempt to understand. They were at times overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. They even grew so weak that they yearned for this life and this suffering to finally be over. All of this implies that it is simply part of life to fight through the muck and mire. It’s perfectly okay to struggle when things get tough. It doesn’t mean we lack faith or are bad Christians. We are just imperfect humans in a sin-cursed world.

We are, however, not supposed to remain there. Instead, we are to combat the darkness with God’s light. We are to remind ourselves of the multitude of blessings our Heavenly Father has showered upon us. We are also to counter every one of our struggles with the loving promises the Lord has for us, His children. Psalms is a solid reminder that in God, we have the victory. The Lord will always provide everything we need to overcome it all, if we only keep seeking Him and His Word.

Have you read the Bible? If you have, what is your favorite passage or book?

 

© 2020 Amanda R. Dollak