Beach Perspective

Image  —  Posted: November 20, 2013 in Life, Photography, Wordless Wednesday
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Tigger Sleeping Under Blanket

Lately, I am starting to wonder if my brain didn’t get the memo.  I no longer can stay up to 2, 3 or 4 am because I’m supposed to be awake by 6:30 in the morning now.  My little princess gets on the bus very early this year, so I had absolutely no choice in changing my schedule so drastically.  We’ve been using this schedule since the middle of August, so c’mon, brain, can’t we adjust here?

After another late, late night again, I’m starting to think maybe it is a hopeless task.  My creative mind is most active at night.  And my energy levels are higher towards my new bedtime (10:30).  I end up feeling like a squirrel on Red Bull when I try to force myself to fall asleep so early–still!

I get ants in my pants.  I can’t seem to stop fidgeting.  My mind gets bombarded with a billion creative ideas and many more random thoughts.  My brain starts spouting poetry.  Words start stringing into sentences in my head.  Story scenes begin to appear as my imagination takes over.  I end up feeling like I have an entire mob yelling, screaming, and vying for my attention within my skull.  Not very conducive to peaceful sleep, is it?

It is certainly a futile battle.  I’m never going to win.  My muse is just far too powerful for little ol’ me.  Of course, I’m going to do everything in my power to turn out the lights by 10:30 every night.  But if the racket gets too, there’s no point in fussing, complaining, and fighting the situation.  It would be fruitless and insane to do!  There was a time–not too long ago–when I was so blocked up with raw emotion from hardships in life that I couldn’t even write a whole sentence. I honestly feared I would never write again.  I thought whatever I had was broken, destroyed by too much pain and grief.  So, even now when I’m running on fumes and running into walls in utter exhaustion, I still keep in mind it could be worse.  I could be up late night after night unable to write, afraid that I might permanently lose an vital part of myself forever.

 

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013

NaNoWriMo

I’m in deep NaNo trouble here, people!  My laptop died not even a week into the challenge, so I wasn’t able to work much on my novel since.  I have my new laptop now, so I’m eager to get my hands flying and my head wrapped around my story again.  The problem is I am FAR behind and I have a head cold from H – E – Double Hockey Sticks.  So, here I am writing about not writing my NaNo novel.  Yep, I am in perfect form tonight!

Ok, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not complaining too much.  I am 8,229 words (and counting) into my novel.  I was able to get a new laptop fairly quickly by a bit of a miracle (even though I was sure I wouldn’t be able to replace it for months).  And I still have the strong urge inside of me to get this story written out finally for the whole world (or at least my whole world) to see.

It isn’t going to be easy.  NaNo is nearly halfway over.  (I think I just had a mini heart attack with that realization!)  NaNo claims I need to write a minimum of 2,458 words per day now to finish on time.  (Again, eek and double eek!!!)  Still, I’m never one to give up too easily.  I WANT this–no I NEED this–more than I could ever express.  I NEED to know I haven’t given up on my lifelong dreams.  I NEED to prove to myself that I won’t ever sell myself short.  I NEED to convince myself that my life’s work will never be in vain.

Consequently, I am refusing to give up–now and always.  Life is messy.  It loves to throw us for a loop and send us off course.  However, it is what we do with those messes and how we continue on once we move beyond them that truly matters.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as that girl who gave up on NaNo long before she ever gave herself the chance to soar.  This is a battle worth fighting for, and I won’t allow anything to stop me from pursuing my dreams!

© Amanda R. Dollak 2013

First Snow

Image  —  Posted: November 13, 2013 in Nature, Photography, Wordless Wednesday
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Boomer Hiding in Bags