Life is a Journey, Not a Destination

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I’ve noticed that I easily become so frustrated and discouraged with my life these days. And today I’ve finally realized why. I’m not patient enough with myself. I fail to see how far I’ve come and what all I’ve overcome. I especially fail to see that life–and any goal I set–is a journey. Therefore, I can’t expect to reach the destination immediately. It’s downright ridiculous!

The reality is we wouldn’t expect to go on vacation by stepping out our front door and immediately finding ourselves relaxing on some faraway tropical beach. So, why should we expect our hopes, dreams, and hard work to reach the end immediately? We shouldn’t.

A journey is challenging. It takes thoughtful planning. It takes appropriate preparation. It also takes plenty of patience and perseverance. Anyone who has attempted a long road trip or a vacation thousands of miles from home knows that if you are ill prepared or impatient, a million things can and will go wrong.

Can you imagine if we set out on a road trip in the way we approach our goals and life expectations? It wouldn’t be pretty. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to find many of us out of gas, traveling in the wrong direction, or giving up and turning back long before the trip even had a chance to get started.

I know I’m guilty of all three of these fatal errors…and more. However, I’m done. I’m finished having unrealistic expectations about myself, my life, and my goals. I’m ready to embrace the journey along with the destination. I still want to change a lot in my life, but I’m going to try to enjoy myself as I work towards those changes.

If I hit a roadblock or a detour along the way? It’s fine with me! I’ve always enjoyed little surprises anyway. One little obstacle doesn’t make or break a journey. Besides, some of the greatest things in life can be unexpected.

If I get a little lost along the way? No problem! I’ll be enjoying the new scenery as I get myself back on track.

Oh, and if I don’t reach the journey’s end when or even where I expected? It really isn’t that horrible. The trip can be just as fulfilling and enjoyable as the destination.

Life is all about the living part. Life is actively seeking to learn, to grow, and to become more. All that busy, noisy, chaotic, and messy stuff that falls between beginning and end–between birth and death–is what life on this earth is all about. We should be enjoying it and relishing it as it happens, not ignoring it as we yearn for the future. We’ll miss out on so much if we don’t enjoy the ride each and every step of the way.

© 2020 Amanda R. Dollak

Creativity Overload

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With all that’s going on in the United States and around the world right now, 2020 is certainly the year for serious thought and reflection. At least, it has been for me. With the pandemic keeping me mostly at home, I’ve had loads of extra time to reflect and think. And boy, am I a thinker! My mind is always going a million miles a minute. My brain loves to absorb whatever is around me, and deep within this hard head of mine, the gears are always grinding as I process whatever I take in. Sometimes, a seemingly insignificant kernel of information will lodge itself into those gears, and it’ll be rattling in there for weeks or even months, until suddenly it spawns something brand new and unexpected.

Years ago, I realized that this is both a blessing and a curse. As a writer, having an overactive, inquisitive mind is extremely useful. My brain spends so much time mulling things over in my head that I have an easy time looking at life from many different perspectives. I often can look at mundane, ordinary objects and, in no time at all, see marvelous and exciting things in their place. My imagination can take something that most people would barely glance at and transform it into an awesome plot idea for a new novel. Being able to thoroughly analyze topics and different points of views additionally helps me create diverse and well-rounded characters for my stories.

Despite all of these advantages, though, having a mind that has a mind of its own can cause a ton of problems, too. There are times when I wish with all my might that this wacky brain of mine had an off switch. When I need to concentrate on an important task, there are times when I’m distracted by the craziest of rabbit holes. Oh, and sleep? Something that should come naturally and easy? Yeah, with a brain that is more cluttered and noisy than a virus-infected computer with an endless supply of pop-up ads, sleep is a constant battle. My body may always be eager for some shuteye, but my imagination is worse than a kid in a candy store.

And being cooped up in the house most days since March has fed my imagination with enough candy that it may never allow me to sleep again. I’ve started more projects than I could count in 2020. I’m constantly hopping from one project to the next and back again, too. My creativity is through the roof, and I’m often attempting far more than any sane person ever would. (That is actually why I’m a couple weeks late with this blog post. I got distracted by another project and got lost along the way. I completely forgot that I ran out of scheduled blog posts, and inadvertently neglected my blog.)

Who knows how long this pandemic will last. I pray constantly that it will pass soon and life can settle into a new calm. In the meantime, though, I must learn to rein in my brain and not allow it to run me ragged. These are troubled times, so I am immensely grateful that such negativity is spawning something positive within me. However, you CAN have too much of a good thing. I need to learn to pace myself as I run this course of creativity. I don’t want to burn out prematurely. I desire to finish off strong and make the most of this extra inspiration before it’s gone.

© 2020 Amanda R. Dollak

I No Longer Watch Horror Films

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Some people think I’m strange or maybe even crazy because I no longer watch horror films. “Normal” human beings LOVE to be scared senseless, right? Or so society says. So, why can’t I savor a night of horror like everyone else?

Contrary to popular assumptions, I am NOT a scaredy-cat or a baby. I have in fact watched plenty of scary movies over the years from The Night of the Living Dead to A Nightmare on Elm Street to The Exorcist. I’ve never been a horror film fan, but I grew up in a household where scary movies were as commonplace as cartoons. The truth is, though, I simply reached my limit well over a decade ago. I feel like if I watch one more horror flick, my overactive imagination is going to burst at the seams!

Imagine visiting a place where every horror villain, ghost, zombie, vampire, and any other creature of the night roamed constantly. Picture the nastiest, goriest, most grotesque massacre. That, my friend, is my subconscious mind. Every second of every horror film I’ve ever watched is stored carefully and methodically in my brain. And each time my subconscious mind decides my life is getting a little too boring, it surprises me with nightmares that would even make Stephen King shiver and shake.

Yes, inside my head are the most horrendous atrocities–both real and fictitious–and my mind twists them, molds them, and multiplies the scare factor many times over. My nightmares are so vivid and lifelike that when I’m finally startled awake, it takes at least a half of an hour to calm the heart trying to beat out of my chest.

Sometimes, I get stuck in my nightmares and can’t escape, no matter how much I scream for myself to wake up. I’m left vulnerable and at the mercy of this dark world that can only be described as a haunted house on steroids. I have also died a million deaths in my dreams, only to live each new day with every frightening detail and raw emotion seared permanently into my conscious mind.

Who needs a cheap, cheesy scary movie when I live through intense horror night after haunted night? Not me! The thrill of being scared senseless has long worn off. I’d much rather watch something comical or uplifting. I could go the rest of my life never watching another scary movie again, and I’d still have much more than my fill of horror. Leave it to my crazy imagination to put even Hollywood to shame. Most of the time, I count myself blessed for having such an imaginative and creative mind. However, this is certainly a serious downside to being a writer and having countless realistic worlds inside my head.

© 2020 Amanda R. Dollak

With Writing, I Can’t Compromise

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Eventually, we must all decide what we want out of this life and what we are willing to sacrifice to make our dreams come true. Years ago, I realized that I wanted to be a writer most of all. The lure of creating stories and new worlds to share with countless others was intoxicating. Also, I I felt this stirring deep within me that told me that I’d never be myself if I ignored this dream. But most of all, I wanted to write because I longed to reach people, to touch their hearts and minds, and to uplift them during their darkest and loneliest of hours.

As a child, I was sick more times than I could count. I also had a difficult childhood. I came from a troubled home, dealt with some abuse, and ended up a foster child. Books were my refuge. They spoke to me. They took me away from the chaos and uncertainty. They gave me hope. And they taught me that there is so much more to life than my bleak little corner of the world.

Because of this, I decided early on that I wanted to write to give back. I yearned to pass on the hope, encouragement, and imagination that had been bestowed upon me through the countless books I read as a child. Oh, if I made a nice paycheck along the way, I knew I wouldn’t ever complain. But my main purpose of becoming a writer was to do my part in making this world a little brighter and bearable for my readers.

I still write for that reason. With society’s obsession with drama, gossip, and dirt, though, it sometimes feels like I’m doing a lot of work for little to no pay. Now don’t get me wrong; I love being a writer. I get such satisfaction doing what I love and occasionally hearing feedback from people saying how much my writing has touched them. Still, since I have chronic illnesses (in particular, severe fibromyalgia), I can’t be as prolific of a writer right now, and thus, my paycheck is pretty much nonexistent. I am starting over and relearning the ropes simply because I was too unhealthy in the past to keep up with my freelance writing career.

Every now and then, I am offered a new project or gig. Usually I’m extremely thrilled. Lately, though, these new opportunities aren’t meeting my overall goals and standards as a writer. The lure of a nice paycheck initially tempts me to compromise on my dream and write fluff and junk. Nonetheless, I’ve always reminded myself that my writing is a reflection of who I am as a person. So, despite the temptation, I can’t do it. I can’t compromise who I am simply because society eats this garbage up and it might help to pay the bills for a little while.

I have to stay true to myself. I have to abide by my convictions and my standards. If I start compromising my dream, I start compromising myself and my life’s work. I’m a person of integrity and honor. I’m nowhere near perfect, but I always have to do what I feel is right. It is the only way for me to like what I see every morning in the mirror. And it is the only way for me to write at my best. I simply can’t compromise. If God wants me to move back into freelance writing, He will open the door for me. I won’t have to take iffy shortcuts or compromise on my ideals. If I am meant to work on more than my own personal projects right now, quality and worthwhile projects will find me. It’s as simple as that.

 

© 2020 Amanda R. Dollak

There Is Never Enough Time in the Day

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Have you ever noticed that no matter how much we try to organize, schedule, and cut out the fluff, there still is never enough time in the day? I am a wife, the mother of two teenagers, the servant of a household of cats, the companion of a dog with boundless energy, a freelance writer, and the cook, maid, organizer, and (oftentimes) krazy glue of our home. It doesn’t take long before the end of the day creeps up on me (or in this case of this past week, the dawn).

All the time management experts offer tons of tips on how we can better utilize our time every day. They claim that if you organize your life and find the areas where you are wasting your time, you will eventually have plenty of time during your day. However, I don’t think they were talking about stay-at-home mothers who also strive to work from home and who love to bite off far more than they can chew.

It doesn’t matter how much I reorganize and cut; there simply isn’t enough time in a 24-hour period. I almost never get to watch TV. I don’t play video games (except a little online or phone app play as the occasional break). Every time I am on the phone, I am doing a million other things. I even try to limit my social media and internet time these days. And sleep? I’m definitely nowhere near overdoing that!

I multitask my multitasking. I eat breakfast and lunch while I am doing something else. I scrub with both hands. I wash dishes and laundry simultaneously. Without running myself ragged and driving myself crazy, there is no way I can squeeze any more minutes out of my day. It just isn’t humanly possible.

Yet, I don’t mind so much. I do hate when I don’t get everything finished on my daily to-do list. I’m a perfectionist and love to push myself hard. However, I can’t complain too much. My life is full and happy. There is never a dull moment.

To be completely honest, I wouldn’t survive most days without a healthy dose of prayer and plenty of help from the Lord. However, I still wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my family. I love the life that God has blessed me with. I certainly still have much to learn about patience and prioritizing, but overall, I love working hard for my family and challenging myself daily to grow closer to the person the Holy Spirit is leading me to be. I thank God every day to be alive, and I hope to never take a single new day for granted.

© 2020 Amanda R. Dollak